New Buddy~~ ^^

During Christmas Eve, I met a guy through one friend...
He was so quiet at 1st...
Then something happened~

I guess that is how we started to talk.

During Christmas night,
Me, Sher and Susan asked him out for a drink..
At least our Christmas is not that boring~LOL~

I still remember before we came out with that plan we were driving around UM coz there's nothing we can do~ XD

Anyway, that was so nice of him that he sent me back after that~ :)

The next day, thought we would go for movie but in the end it was canceled...
So, it end up only the two of us wandering around Midvalley- had dinner and walked around~
And suprisingly we were chatting all the way!

It's unusual for me to be able to talk to someone so much that if I only get to know that person for a few days BUT he is the exception~

He even continue chatting at my place after we came back from Midvalley~

So, I came out with the conclusion that at last I found a close buddy which I am sure that stuff like what happened previously will not happened again~

I'm glad to know you~~


confession of emoboy...

Congratz~~

Haha~ Finally!!!!
The two of them are together~ LOL~
Hmm~ those who read this post will also know who i'm talking about la~
Haha~

Don't say I 'suan siao' u lo~
This is to congratz u~

Hmm..now all 1 pair 1 pair dy ya~
1 always go eat sweet sweet bird nest xiao yan yan pan mian~
another one eat sweet sweet sticky and white chocolate lo~
Hehe~

Hmm...I wonder when is my turn~
LOL~


confession of emoboy...

Lonely Christmas....

Heart broken for once again...
but I never blame you for that coz I already had the feeling that it's gonna be this way but it's me who still insist to do so...

You told me it was a mistake
but I never regret giving it to you...

I wish the answer you gave me is not that...
I rather you told me that you need more time...

How could I let go of it...
How could i...
I thought it would work this time...

It's going to be another lonely Christmas...


confession of emoboy...

I wonder...

I wonder when can i meet you again...


confession of emoboy...

Not giving up....

I don't really know what you're thinking right now...
but you're not to be blamed

but i just wanna let you know that i'm not gonna give up
coz since that day, i've never felt something so real before.....


confession of emoboy...

You made my day~ =)

"You made my day~ =)"
This is what I post as my status in fb..
I didn't know if I'd made your day just now..
I hope I did...

Right now I don't really care if anyone knows about how I feel about you
but still I hope those who did follow up with my post and also know about you would understand and wouldn't mind about this...

As I knew that you were there, I know I have to be there~
and yet, I remembered that I kinda promise that I would bring u herbal tea...
I knew you forget about it~ Check ur fb inbox~ =p Haha!
And ur X'mas gift~EMERGENCY CHOCOLATE!!!
I wish you would like it and cure ur emo-ness.. although you haven't mention it in ur sms just now~
I know u were tired~
but I'm happy and touched that u sms-ed my letting me know u were home safely~

Thx for the dinner~
^^
I hope u enjoy the shopping~
and I know u much more today~
once again, you made my day~ =p


confession of emoboy...

IMY!

Since yesterday...
or should I say since the day before yesterday...
this is what I'm feeling when I'm not with you~

Yeah~ Sher and Cocoro said I'm just a "sticky"
Haha~

It felt like I'm having a great weekend..
although stuff haven't really officially starts yet~

Everytime my phone rang, I wish it was you...
And I'm excited when I received your sms~

And your gift~
I like it so much!!! >.<
It's not that I like that gift that much but it's because it's from you~

and right now, I'm thinking when can we meet again... >.<

But I think Sher and Cocoro are right.
I should be a "sticky"~
I know it too..cause I don't wanna annoy you~
Things should be going slowly...
Although I don't know how, but I'll learn...for the sake of you~~


confession of emoboy...

^^

This morning is like the best day of my life~
I think I finally did let go of the 'impossible'...

And I think I'd found what's been missing in my life!
I don't really know if it's working...
But it's worth it giving a try~
AND I do not regret what I had done!!!
That's the most important stuff~

Things have been rough lately and I guess it's time for it to change to a better one now~
^^


confession of emoboy...

TL?

Yesterday night I was damn TL!
but it turns out that my TL-ness might makes other TL at me as well~
Yeah it might be just a 'small case' but for me it's somehow more complicated than others could think of....
Coz somehow my TL-ness if actually came from me myself that hate myself who couldn't do the best in my own job~
and the 'small case' became an excuse for me...
that's the reason why i said i quit~
for me, if i wanna take it as my job, i rather do my best~
but it seems like i don't so i rather just quit!

One more thing that make me quite down yesterday night was actually not a bad thing~
Lately, it seems to be a lot of couple~XD
I'm happy for them! honestly!
but it seems like i felt lonely somehow seeing i big group of couple friends could sit together in pairs chatting and have fun while i'm kinda sitting with 2 other single friends thinking of someone~
I may have found that someone but it doesn't mean that's the right person...
I wonder if it's considered as a surprise that that person is the one who appear in my mind yesterday night...

confession of emoboy...

My 1st time...

Yesterday was my 1st time to club...
It was fun~
It was a great experience~
but it's my 1st time so I didn't really enjoy to the fullest...
I kinda lost...dunno what should I do...
Until today, I realise that I may have lost my chance of getting to 'somewhere'...
to the next stage or next level...
Right now, I don't know what should I do...


confession of emoboy...

That's what i think sometimes...
but what will happen if i never met you?
it would be totally different...
maybe i would never been through those happy moment.
那个幸福的感觉。。。
the moment we shared... together....
something that i would never been through without you...

but right now, these happy moment come back and haunt me...
they became something that hurt my heart.....
felt like being stab by knives whenever these memories came through...

it is impossible for me to let go~
because i don't wanna forget those moments...
i really don't know what should i do...


confession of emoboy...

Tulan arghhh!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the 4th year and now I'm already NOT the official part of the CC board or a small AJK!
I'm just a member of CC or at least one of the parents~
Sometimes it's not that I don't wanna help but it's frustrating when it involves all those issues and dramas!!!!!!!!!!!

I can help~
help u guys shops for ingredients~
help u guys prepare~
help u guys move stuff

but I just don't wanna involve in the dramas~
Yet, if u guys need an ear I can lend it listen to those problems..

honestly, I'm already tired...
i don't even know what kind of tiredness I'm having right now.
Mentally? Physically?

right now, I just don't feel like doing anything anymore....

p/s : no offense, i volunteer to help but not to be seen as someone who's incharge of the whole things and need to call the particular person to comfirm some stuff~~~ I JUST DON'T WANNA BE THE CENTER PERSON!

and yet, the lunch that I ordered had not been ordered!


confession of emoboy...

Friend or Lover?

Yesterday I went to KFC for breakfast...
When we came back, Ah Sheng told me about his old story...
I was wondering, thinking...
Those situations seems to be so similar to mine..
and there's this issue just came up in my mind~~

Friends or lover?
This is the question usually people will assume that the answer would be lover.
but for me, these two are equally important.
maybe this is why I still don't have the urge to find a lover for myself.
what I'm excited about is to just enjoy my life with my friends!

I'm the kind of person who thinks friendship and relationship have not much differences..
that's why people think I'm weird!!!
but it's really hard..
I may not be able to let go even in the case of losing a friend unless that someone really did something really really bad....
and I might act like I just broke up or something...
so people would just misunderstood me~~

Can't do anything though~
I am Me!
and I won't change it!


confession of emoboy...

我还有其他朋友。。。

今天跟阿晟吃午餐的时候，阿晟告诉我Apple还有Kenny告诉他
我蛮可怜的。。。让我在车上想起了很多事情。。。
我才发觉到，原来我还有那么多关心我的朋友～～
让我想起了D211 Club 的时候。。。

其实我身边还有很多朋友。。。
我的室友，阿Beh，阿量。。。
一半的室友，阿庆，阿财，梓优
当然还有L.O.G. 4th的几位女生。。
为什么我还是会为了那一个人emo。。。

到了Times Square 之后，
跟俊源看了一部电影，还有聊了很多东西，
其实心情有好了一点。
可能是应为他给到的安全感，很有哥哥的感觉。。。
哈哈！！！
希望以后还能跟他一起出去～～

回到来的时候又差一点就emo了。。。
还好有Cocoro,
还有俊源sms我。。。
Emo， emo， 不要再来了～～ >.<

사랑해 친구야~~
감사합니다~~


confession of emoboy...

The Great Escape~~

I think today I manage to avoid myself to fall into a deep emo-ness!!!
OK! Everyday I'm emo-ing but not everytime with serious one...but I admit lately almost every day...or should I say night I'll just fall into the deepest emo-ness~~

It's so close today...really really close~~
I was tired...
went for a meeting with HEP which I kinda didn't regret...
Weird right? Haha~ Coz I know more gossips from that meeting~ XD

Then I started to upload pictures for our lab report and it took so long~
I managed to take a nap but it doesn't feel enough~

When I was about to start to emo, 5 angels pulled me back from falling into the hole~
I thought, "Great timing~~"
I tried not to think...just enjoy the moment~
I did!!

Then here goes the 2nd time~
When the source was near to me, I was lucky somehow it get further away from me~
relief~~
escape for the 2nd time~~

Went out for a drink and enjoy it~
Really had fun!
when we're back, a phrase struck into me and I started to think...
"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst"
This is what I used to face...
I couldn't take the risk~
I don't have the courage~~
A lot of people told me I might regret if I didn't but I can say that I didn't regret at all...
After all I guess it'll end up as bad as now if I did~
I really didn't wish to see it happen for the 2nd time...
neither to me nor my friends~~

confession of emoboy...

Alone...

刚刚写了一个post给此宗一位朋友～～
想起了一些伤心的事情。。。

我们全部都认识了超过一年了～～
L.O.G 4th 里面的都越来越少了。。。
好朋友都不再当我是好朋友，
有时候想起了，心很痛，都很想哭出来
但是又怕给人看见。。。

还有几个月，有可能我会离开这里。。。
有一part很舍不得，另一part又很想离开这个伤心的地方～

我很不想一个人～～
I don't wanna be alone...


confession of emoboy...

A message to the Star~

I guess lately u've been busy with PT so it's like none of us really contacted u coz u know, u gonna just blow up~ Haha~
But since it's over then I guess I should have started to talk about this~ NO OFFENSE!!!

It's good to see u walking happily just now and I get to know that you'll be going to have lunch with your family~
So~
Last night I heard that at first you gonna join us but for some reason u got emo...
Why?

That doesn't matter~~~
Just one reminder for you~
Actually it's a reminder u used to gave me when I was facing my 'problem'~
For your info, mine get worse~ which I think there's nothing can be done anymore~

So, u told me that u used to emo very seriously and at last all your friends were scared and away~
I'd learn from what u told me~
Nope, of course I still couldn't control myself for being emo-ing but i tried not to affect others...
I hope I did it right~

As for you, I hope you can cope with it~
You know that lately the number of our members has been decreasing...
I don't wish to see that again!
We recreate the group so that none of this will happen again but I just don't get it why~
So, you know what I mean...

U may notice why sometimes I ignore u...
Coz sometimes I just can't take it...
There's too much dramas around~
so I hope you can really work it out~~



confession of emoboy...

没用的我。。。

我觉得我自己很没用。。。
为什么别人做得到的事情我做不到。。。
为什么我那么容易放弃。。。
反而应该放弃的东西我都放不下。

刚刚总Murni回来～～
本来心情都很好。。。
但是突然间觉得自己很没用。。。一个没用的胖子!!!
减肥减不到～
练gym又没有效果。。。
看着其他人，一个一个成功了，觉得自己很失败!!!
我该怎样呢？？？



confession of emoboy...

Chances...

The above phrase~~
It's easy to say or to tell others.
BUT
When it came to ourselves, we just couldn't do it!
We don't have the COURAGE!!!

WHY?
because we are scared of losing it.
Although it's clear in front of us.
The thing is, only others could see it clearly but they can't interrupt.
What we see is something unclear, unsure...

Is that something that GOD created so that it like
"No Pain, No Gain"?

Whatever~~
I might had missed mine.
BUT
Friends around me!!!
Don't missed urs!
I don't wanna write those names here~
If u guys read this, just go grab ur chance~

confession of emoboy...

Confidence~~

Confidence is really a huge issue for me~
Still remember Cassey asked me if i'm interested in being a CC Head during my 1st year~
I was like, 'no i can't'
she told me i can but i'm lack of confidence~

but until now, i see myself as a person who don't have leadership ...
couldn't lead but can be led...

and when people telling me that i'm not that bad looking, i was like 'WHAT!!!'
I'm a damn ugly fat guy~~
how could people say i'm not that bad looking at all~~

and i'm so depress when i'm surrounded by great looking guys with great body or those who are thinner than i am...

sometimes i really don't know how i could gain my confidence....



confession of emoboy...

T_T

couldn't sleep~
i saw something that i shouldn't~
it makes me think a lot~
and make me lost~
lead me to a road i shouldn't take~
and i'd did something terrible~
something that i'll regret....


confession of emoboy...

Faking a smile...

I guess lately i was so tired (mentally) is because i was faking a smile all the time...
although ppl know that i'm emo-ing, i'll act like i'd recovered~

Maybe that's why sometimes i didn't even visit D006 even if i'm alone in room which i used to do~

so i felt sorry for my roommates sometimes if i really affect them with my emo-ness~~

sometimes i smile & laugh a lot but i'm not sure myself if it's genuine...
what's happiness?
i knew it about a year ago....
but now, i'm not really sure~

it doesn't mean that i'm not happy when having fun with the GRAPES but it's like lacking of something~~
once again, sorry for those who're affected by my emo-ness...
coz i can't control it....



confession of emoboy...

Happy but not....

Today I received 3 PTUM dedication~
From Chieh Fang @ Xiao Huay Woon @ my xiao shou~
From Hui Yan jie jie~
and from Star Jin Jin~

somehow feel happy receiving so many gifts~

i wonder if any of you would remember my post 1 year ago...
it's all about the dedication that i received through PTUM too...
somehow now it's totally different...

just like what happened when i decided to bring back any food when i went for outing~
today, i bring back currypuff~ i bought back 6 for my roommates and some of my friends...
however, the ME from one year ago, i may have bought back 7... i mean i will...
but now i just don't see the need of do so..
or should i say i don't even ‘qualification' to do so..

hmm... a lot might not know what i'm talking about in this post but i guess some might know~
and to my roommates who keep on asking me why am i emo-ing all these days,
this is the reason..it never changes the reason all the time...


confession of emoboy...

Shopaholic me~~

Yup...another piece of ZARA~
like it the moment i saw it~


then here we go~~TOPMAN~
just can't resist myself~~

Next would be People's~
Buy 2 Free 1~~

Totally forget about all the emoness~~
My roommate says next time he know what to do when I emo~

But still, it doesn't turn out well at the end of the day~
something just remind me of some sad stuff~
I wonder why can't I have a emo-free day~

confession of emoboy...

Day By Day~ Way To Go!

Again, starts my day with SNSD's Day By Day with an apple followed by Way To Go~
For some reason, both songs stimulate motivation to starts a great day~
but i wonder how long it will remain as a great day~

not sleepy in class~
but heard something quite emotional about my lecturer~
she loves telling us stories, about her experiences as a botanist..

but today, she told us that she have to go for check up~
she told us she's a bionic woman~
her heart beats with the help of a pacer or pacemaker~
and it's already been 13 years...everytime when the battery runs out, she need to go for operation to replaced it and the battery had been replaced once after 10 years~

she says she's ok now~hmm
a great woman, a great lecturer, a great mother and also a great grandmother~
that's what i can see through her~

anyway, after class and i came back took a nap~
still feeling tired i wonder why...
maybe i just wanna feel tired so that i can sleep and just get away from this complicated world...



confession of emoboy...

I missed gym again...

Damn~ already 2 days~
i planned to go yesterday but headache + raining~
today i missed again~
i should have went there~
i felt like it won't work by just using my stupid dumbbell~
of course it won't..just a dumbbell~
arghhh!!!


confession of emoboy...

Still tired...

I started my day today with SNSD's Day By Day while having an apple on the way to class~
Followed by SNSD's Way To Go~
Thought it would be a great day~

p/s the apple i had is not the apple of my eye, still waiting though~


Anyway, things seems like turning bad~
felt sleepy in class~ Totally monday blue mood~

then when i'm back, i had a headache~
i guess i'm still suffering for my mental tiredness~
while i was taking my nap, things just running all over my head~
i heard people screaming and all that, doesn't even feel like i'm sleeping~

p/s i wonder if there's really people screaming that time...


Just get better after another nap but just ruined my plan to go to gym~
hope for a better 2moro~
as always...



confession of emoboy...

Tired...

Lately, i slept a lot!
i even missed a date this morning~LOL...not really a date..
my friend ask me out for jogging actually but i can't wake up..
i slept the whole day or about 12 hours i guess~
i actually woke up around 12pm but i chose to continue to sleep...
the excuse that i gave myself is that i'm tired..

Yesterday i slept at 4am while the day before at 6am
Well, tired?
Erm ... not completely true...
Coz i'm not physically tired but i'm mentally tired..

after watching that movie yesterday night, i've been thinking a lot...
maybe i had learnt something, maybe not..
but things are easy to understand but when u wanna do it, it's hard..
maybe all that i have to do is to let fate comes into play...


confession of emoboy...

Letting go...

When u love someone,
but somehow he or she can't be with you,
you just wish that he or she could be your closest friend...


confession of emoboy...

11.11.11

11.11.11
another day which people consider to be special~
but it's just another ordinary day...which i hope it's not~

i always wish to have a great day in every special day such as this but it seems like i expect to much and it turns out disappointing...
so i think i shouldn't have high expectation...

but still as always, i still have hope..
so what am i going to do on this special day?
i hope it will turn out great~~


confession of emoboy...

Always the unwanted...

This is how i feel sometimes...
Or should i say all the time?

No one to blame~
It's gonna be me if there's someone going to be blamed~
Coz that's me....how i am...

Lady Gaga said we were born this way...(not a big fan though)

Sometimes i'm frustrated...
maybe before i get close to someone, i have to make sure he/she would know the real me...

i mean, yup~ i might look like one...
and i don't mind people thought i am one...
still it depends on u guys to judge am i one of them..
no point for me to argue coz sometimes if i say no u guys still think i am...
coz i was born to look like one...


confession of emoboy...

Getting better...for now...

Today's getting a little bit better....
Try not to think about it...
Still for me to let it go completely is going to be a tough job...

What makes things better today?
went for a movie which is damn funny...XD

and finally, I bought myself a cup!
No stock of the one with all 9 of them so I picked the one with YoonA~

Then I notice they sell VITA 500!!
And I finally bought one ..of course YoonA's version~~
LET'S MAKE VITAMIN C~~
XD
I wonder if it's possible for me to collect all 9 of them~~
or someone who are generous enough to buy for me~XD


confession of emoboy...

It's always for the same reason...

For God sake I always emo for the same reason!
Why would people say that I'm emo for something else~
I guess the factor would have known it for him/herself...
No comment~

Just don't understand why people say that I'm emo for stuff like Sher dump me or something..
We didn't even start yet...
Whatever, I'm damn fucking emo+mad right now not because of what people misunderstood
but for what I found out couple of hours ago...



confession of emoboy...

你在煩惱什麼???

maybe you don't understand....
don't know what i want....


confession of emoboy...

A trip that I miss so much....

It's too short~~
Those happy moment~
I wonder why happy moment pass by so fast~~

Pangkor~
I went there quite a number of times but everytime with different feel~

Went with Sher, Seph, Ah Se and Shiah~~
we had fun! cycling around then stay there for free~ Haha~~

Then CC Trip~~
Not having a very good time there though...
Something happened but I still remember those who were there for me~ Phoebe, Kit Yee...of course D211 members...

Then fieldtrip~ yup~ spent most of the time working~
we thought we discovered new species though~Haha~

Then recently~~
I would never forget~
Pangkor trip with the Grapes~~
But the time is too short~~
We want more~
We <3 Pangkor!
We <3 Grapes!


confession of emoboy...

I can't...

Sometimes I wish I can...
People keep on asking me not to emo...
But do they actually understand how hard it is?
I mean not to emo...

Maybe it's because I'm already used to it...

There was once I thought I would stop emo from that moment..
but I didn't know things would have turn out to be that bad...

I'd tried...
tried not to emo...
at least not in front of everyone...
I prefer to emo alone somehow so that it will not affect anyone else.


But it's not easy...
I still wish things would gone back to when it was good...
Yes...somehow somewhere inside me, there's still hope...


confession of emoboy...

I'm a cry baby...

OK...I admit it I did it again yesterday night...
Thinking back now, feel so stupid...
for what?
people just don't give a damn~
just forget about the past~
get a new life!
....
Can I?

I said I wanted too~
but just couldn't do it...
when will this stops?
haiz....


confession of emoboy...

yeah i'm stupid...

you just don't get it right...
ok i admit dat i'm still can't let it go...of all that happened b4..
we were too close...i mean so close..the 1st time i have such a close friend
but that's it~ it ended

why? coz i look gay?
whatever...i'm tired of writing it all down
it's not that i care ppl thought i am
i don't even mind...i joke myself sometimes
but the problem is those around me mind..

but tell u what, i'm not gonna change how i am or what i am!
just keep on saying what u guys like~
to the worst i just don't get any friend that's it!
since we were all alone from the beginning

so i'm not changing myself to get what i want at this point
this is not me~
if i did change to get what i want,
it gonna happen all over again~

daamn!


confession of emoboy...

The Last Letter...

Since the last letter i received from you, i know you will be gone for a long time.
It's so stupid of me that i pretend not to notice that.
But now i realize you're not here anymore.
Still hoping you'll be back.

For some reason, everytime when i feel like giving up there's something that make me continue believing that things will end up good.
So when are you gonna come back? Or you won't?
Coz it seems like you were back ...but it's just in my dream.
i wonder when will it really gonna happen....


confession of emoboy...

3 Idiots ~~

3 Idiots.... Heard about it like lotsa times.
Finally today watched it and what caught my attention would be their friendship.

Wonder if one day I could have a close friend like that but it's close to impossible.
Twice, it happens for the second time.
I was wondering if it's true...
"whenever i get close to someone in a very short time, it will end fast as well"

Now i'm feeling complicated, i couldn't let go of the past.
i don't even know if i could let anyone else in for the next time coz i don't want it to happen again.
i wonder if there's anyone understand how i feel.

"Anyone but me"
that's what's happening now...
you can be close with anyone but not me...and it's obvious

I don't like it, i don't wanna emo in front of everyone but today i just couldn't take it..
i'm tired..mentally...but i turn it to physically and slept for almost whole day.
this can't just continue like that everyday....


confession of emoboy...

I miss L.O.G 4th!!!

Feeling down as I have to go back...
coz I'm used to the situation where L.O.G 4th members are around...
Yup...I cried on the last night in UM~
in D007.. Luckily Ah Ching and Zi-You didn't notice it..
yup..
I miss Khoon Chai ...my dota kaki...
I miss Ah Beh...he always give us a ride and go out for meals...
I miss Ming Liang, See Heng, Ching, Hui Yan...ok la ...and zhong guo mei during our last outing...
I miss Ching maybe last few days spent all my time in D007...not only that .. actually is the whole exam week...Zi-You and Khoon Chai oso...
I miss KNS and Ah Xiuz for their loudness...just notice that long time didn't see Jeff dy...and jia you Mun Choong..
I miss Cindy Heng, Mei Hui (whenever I think of the fart-ing moment~ Haha), Sampat MinYee and Huay Woon, my Lets EMO members CoroCiri and Star for their sampat-ness...
I miss Hexane and Zie Jian...haha...duno why....maybe lately we become quite close is compared to before...
I miss See Heng...although he always bully me...but because he scared I'll emo and at last he will like do what I want...haha!!!...and also his sampat-ness...lately I'd saw his other personalities...quite a lot...haha...his childish side...LOL! so funny!!haha!!
I miss all of you!!!


confession of emoboy...

Time to change the setting...

Sorry guys, i've made a decision...i guess i'm gonna change the setting so that none of other people other than me to read this blog...

i guess by doing that i might be able to write more freely...

why?

problems...

blogging for me is to let people read...

but i didn't know that it would cause so much problems...

i guess the biggest problem that i'm facing right now also starts from here...

it might not end it but it may prevent it to occur again...

confession of emoboy...

Nervous...

This is the 1st time I felt so nervous waiting for the stay college list...

Felt insecure coz I felt like I join not enough activities to be qualified to stay college...

Most of the activities that I join are just performing and I don't think that they stand enough marks for me...

Still, I really hope I get to stay...

or else....

I don't really know where to stay...

confession of emoboy...

Trying hard?...it doesn't helps...

Sometimes people says if you wanna get something you have to try hard...

Sorry, that's the wrong theory...

Why?

Coz I tried so hard but in the end I lost everything!

Dammit!

of course not yet or should I say I don't know if I already lost it...

confession of emoboy...

"一半"

I guess everyone know this song...

Perhaps that's the reason I emo lately...

but what u guys misunderstood is that I'm emo-ing for a girl...

coz the other half that i mean is someone who's really really close to me...a friend...

i never had one such close friend until I'm here in UM

and things happen and i lost it...

second year, i keep on resist until it turns into some kind of anger...

coz I'm scared...scared to lose again...

things getting better when it came to my third year...

i thought i found it back again...

maybe this time i'm afraid of losing...and i grab it too tight...then things start to change...

i make people around me stress...

i'm so frustrated right now...

how do i change myself?

i wonder if i would be given a chance...

a chance so that it would turn back like what it used to be...

coz i'm used to that way already...

it's too late...

too late for me to let go...

confession of enoboy...

没有了。。。

没有了，

全部都没有了。。。

confession of emoboy...

心痛

不知道你是认真的还是说笑

但是你让我伤心

心里很痛

对不起

都是我的错。。。

confession of emoboy...

Thx...

Today, i was so tired ...like exhausted...it's like gonna get sick...

skipped all class, cause an argument between me n coursemate...coz i skipped class...

frustrated plus assignments n reports not forgetting thesis...

so i decide to just stay in siswa for the whole day...

can't find lunchmate...

then, thx to ming liang acc me for lunch...

coz if not, i'm not gonna eat..

for me, not eating is better than eat alone...

if you find me eating alone, something's wrong with me..

confession of emoboy...

谢谢你的凉茶。。。

虽然我早就知道一定会收到你的凉茶，

但是我冲siswa回来的时候，

一看到那一瓶凉茶的时候，

那个感觉很不一样。。。

可能是我很累了。。。

report还有很多。。。

真的很需要人的关心。。。

可能你只是做回你该做的事情。。。

但是我还是很感动。。。

真的谢谢你的那一瓶凉茶。。。

明天又是很忙的一天。。。

要去gombak。。

回来过后，又要做report，还有assignment。。。

confession of emoboy...

A bad day...

Rain so heavily this morning..

and i didn't know where is my umbrella until i went to D007...

Damn moody today, not just because of raining...

as i enter the class, saw him..damn! so angry when i was thinking of what happen yesterday

he did it like i never did my work...

yeah now everyone thought i didn't do my part and all was done by him..damn...

i did ask him what should i do...he say i don't have to do anything..

and he end up did everything by his own like i didn't do anything!!!

go and let others fuck your ass dude!

of course i'm not emo-ing for only this...but also for the same old reason...

but what can i do besides waiting?

went to bilik siswa yesterday to look for what i have lost and i end up found nothing..

i wonder if i could find it again one day...

i hope i will but it seems like i won't..

and now only i notice that i can't let go yet...

confession of emoboy...

PKB ends..

PKB ended and i miss all the workshops and stuff...

However, right now i'm facing one big problem...THESIS!!!

It's like i have to meet my supervisor soon for the poster stuff but what i have now is just the raw data!!!
I didn't even start writing yet...damn...

no journal found yet...should have went to the library these few days with See Heng...i mean tumpang his motor...LOL!

what can i do now?? extend 1 more year?

i don't mind...but what i mind is my pointer will drop drastically if i get bad grade for thesis...

aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!!!

confession of emoboy...

i mind...

Sometimes, i get emo so easily because i felt that i was left out...

since don't know when i wish i would have a very close friend...

i had one once but i lost it...it was like 3 years ago...

for some reason, i thought i found one again...but i'm not so sure...

i know others might think that it's just a small case and don't have to act like i will die because of that...

but for me, i don't like being left out alone...

i know i'm not alone...but the thing is i just want someone who would treat me as their no.1...

honestly, i'm so jealous of Ah Shiah and Selina because both of them are so close...

i don't get one...

people just keep on running away from my life...

maybe the problem is me...i can't blame anyone...

i always wonder...

whenever someone did anything, did they think about me...

for me, whenever i was doing something or buying something i would think of someone who is important...

it's like what should i buy for them or are they going to like this...

still,sometimes i think that i'm the black sheep...

and i mind...

confession of emoboy...

Pangkor trip...

Pangkor trip....

Sounds fun but it's a field trip...

don't really feel like going for some reason...

went there twice last year...survey for cc trip and also the actual cc trip...

but still have to go...didn't even feel like going into the water although it is so 'seductive'...LOL!

However, i think it would be fun if i went there with my own gang...

and i more thing is i miss a lot of thing when i was in Pangkor...

of course i'm talking about PKB workshop....

don't know why i just enjoy it...having fun while working...

Moreover, the trip reminds me a lot of things...a little bit emo because of that...

coz the last trip i went there, i didn't really enjoy it coz something happened...

this time, it just makes me think a lot when i was there...

it also remind me of other trip...eg. the Fraser trip and Tioman trip...

Haiz...what's gone is gone...

and it's not coming back...

i just hope for the best in the future...

confession of emoboy...

Dependency

'Dependency'

a words that my friend dedicate to me...

she knew i was dependent...

always depend of other ppl...

in the way that i don't like to be alone...

honestly, i still haven't get used to the situation i am right now...

i guess i'm still dependent and it's not gonna be eliminated anytime soon...

izit a good thing?

it might be and it might not...

but still, being dependent is comfortable for me...

i really don't wanna lose someone who i can depend on...

thx to her again..

for this word..

'Dependency'

confession of emoboy...

Another week of workshop...

At last I survived the week...

Reports, assignments, presentations...and the end of Prof. Susan's class!

Such a busy week and i expect a fun weekend of workshop...

I wonder if it would be fun like the previous one coz a lot of ppl were here...

but it seems like this week a lot of ppl are going back...

still, i'm hoping for a fun one....

curry wantan mee?

haha!

confession of emoboy...

emoness return...

No point try to hide anymore..

these few days, my emo return to me...and it's too strong that i can't hide it...

No one know the reason why...

perhaps one or two would know...

but there're some moment that i really enjoy...

the night life with the grapes where we did some crazy stuff...

too bad not all of them are there...just hope that we could do something with all of us are here...

still emo-ing now especially someone is playing the emo songs now...

hope that everything would be better...

i still have hope...although things changed so much...

confession of emoboy...

My Valentines...

Spend my valentines with the grapes...

of course not all of them are here...

but still, we had a lot of fun...

at 1st we thought of going for ice-skating but then everyone is wearing slipers!haha!

then we went for lunch at Manhattan Fish Market!

Seafood plater, Lover's plater...haha

then we took pictures by looking at the mirror!

we went to the arcade....and i won a lot of bear!!!wahaha!

then we secretly hang the bear on someone's bag!muahaha!

then we went for movie...someone is sleeping during the movie...==

then we had our dinner at Popeye's..

then we took pictures at the outdoor of Sunway Pyramid!

that's how i spend my Valentines with the grapes...^^

confession of emoboy...

heartbroken for the n time...

Another valentines is coming and i'm still gonna go through it alone...

Maybe being single is not that bad after all...

just that i don't even know how it feels to be in the relationship...

it's been n time i failed...hurt...recovered...

don't even dare to try it again...

until i thought i saw some hope...the light...but it fades away again...

will it gonna shine back?

confession of emoboy...

i need...

for some reason, after having crazy moment playing with pop pop,

suddenly, getting a little bit emo...

don't really wanna talk about the reason...

but i really need someone right now...

so that i could cry out...

i wish he's here...

哥哥， 你在哪里？

confession of emoboy...

easy to say but hard to do...

appreciate everything in front of us before it's too late...

it's something that is easy to understand...

i thought i did that but it seems like i haven't...

about a year ago, one of my friend @ senior @ an elder sister pass away...

she's usually quiet and don't talk much...

i thought among all the juniors, i'm the only one closer to them...

too bad...when i notice i haven't done enough, it's too late...

an accident happened...

that is when i notice there are a lot of things that i wanna tell her...

she was there once when i was facing problems...

i haven't even thank her in a proper way...

that's not the only thing that happen in my life...

even lately, a lot of stuff happened...

sometimes i would think i've did something that i shouldn't...

and it ruined everything...

sometimes, i thought i wanna appreciate everything ...

but there's something that prevent me from doing it...

i hope my life wouldn't be so complicated...

confession of emoboy...

hope...and disappointment

read someone's blog today...

and i have something to say...

sometimes when you are hoping for something, it's good that there's hope you can get it...

but then, you might face disappointment when you found out that the hope is false...it's not true...

i've been through...i meaning having hope...someone giving me hope...but then she took it away...

until now, everyone that gave me hope, i still felt insecure...

sometimes i was thinking, i prefer to know the truth, rather than ppl giving me hope which is not true...

i know they just don't wanna hurt me, but still, what's gonna happen in the future's gonna hurt...

why don't hurt now and let me recover fast...rather then wasting each other's time...

haha..sorry for being emotional...that's me anyway...it's just something that i wanna say after reading a blog...haha!^^

confession of emoboy...

He's still not here...

Somehow, my bro didn't appear in my dream yesterday night...

but the Putos did...

i don't really remember what's in the dream...

it somehow makes me think that one day i have to let go...

and here they are...the Putos are here when i need someone..

but still when i saw someone with their elder brother or elder sister, i'll still think of him...

coz i don't get to feel how it is to have elder brother to take care of me...

the last time i felt it was in the dream...

confession of emoboy...

I miss my bro...

for some reason, suddenly i miss you...

since the last time i dream of you...

i've never seen you before but you appear in my dream once without living any impression of how you look like...

i still remember in the dream i was still a little boy crying while you were there for me...

i hope it happens now and in the future...

someone who will take care of me...

maybe it's CNY now that makes me miss you..

coz every year i felt there's something missing during CNY...

because you were not here...

confession of emoboy...

CNY...excited?

For me, yes and no...

or should i say it reduced compared to last time...

now, the reason for me to get excited is :

• wear new clothes!!! although i can wear anytime i want but waiting for the time to wear new clothes really makes me excited!LOL!
• angpow!!!that's everyone waiting for...so i can shop more!wakakaka!
• eating vegetarian food during the 1st day of CNY!!i'm a vegetarian on the 1st day, so what we eat is kinda special and i like it soooo much!

so, later i'll go for reunion dinner....maybe i'll post the picture here!^^

happy CNY!^^

confession of emoboy...

Miss you guys already....T_T

Sorry to all puto...i guess i'm getting emo again...

but this emo is different...i take it as a good one...LOL!

Just now i send sms saying that i'd reach home to a couple of puto...

Puto Chai reply me...so touching...

he say all puto dun allow me to emo de...

then when i went out for dinner...i passby the pasar malam here...

it reminds me of the pasar malam there...when we go together...

and it makes me miss all puto..

coz whenever i emo, all puto are there and they will make me smile...

honestly, i'm always happy when with puto...

although i'm facing problems, at least i'll relax when we were together...

when i'm alone, what i have to do is find any of the puto then everything will be alright...

there was once where i'm tired but i can't fall asleep in my room...

i dunno where my roommates are...

so i went to D211 and i fall asleep easily there...

even there was once i fall asleep in D222, D005 and D007 too...

it's like i can only find the 安全感 whenever with puto...

confession of emoboy...

A gift from my coursemates...

Today I received a gift from my coursemates...

They bought it when they went to fieldtrip in Perlis...

Thx for the gift!^^

confession of emoboy...

Dedication received!^^

At last I received all the dedication that my friends dedicated for me...

This time I received 9:

4 are CNY cards ( Jeff, Mun Choong, NS Kim and Zi-You )

3 are Mandarin orange ( Min Yee, Star Jin Jin and Apple )

2 more are the package of mandarin orange, jelly and assorted plum ( Khoon Chai and Ah Tuck )

so happy that people remember me..

no matter whatever they give...

even if they didn't but if I know I'm not forgotten I'll be happy too..

Thx to u guys again...

I'll see if I'm going to received any from the next batch of dedication!^^

Coz I want the bear bear!!!^^

confession of emoboy...

Holiday!

Although it's just a 1 day holiday, but still i enjoy it from yesterday till today...

Went to the longest pasar malam again last night!

Brought back lots of food!

The best part is the smelly tofu!Wakaka!

Love seeing everyone's reaction while eating and smelling it...

but I don't get it...for me it taste good!LOL!

Later we'll be going out again...maybe Times Square...

I guess I'm gonna spend lots of money there..

The return of the shopaholic me!

confession of emoboy...

Phoebe came back!!!

It's been a long time since I saw her...

The last time was during MKB...

she dabao lunch for us!

Already 1 sem...a lot of stuff happened..

haha!today she came back...it makes me think of my 1st year...

especially the 1st sem...

so much fun that time before stuff started to happen...

confession of emoboy...

Cooking!!!

It's kinda like so excited just now...

Boiling the milk...

just that i don't like the part where we have to set up the fire...it's hard..LOL!

I love it when it came to cooking...

1 thing you guys might not know about me...

I love cooking!

I love to explore my own recipe...by adding ingredients..haha!

but 1 thing I don't like is to wash after cook...haiz... i guess no one like it!^^

too bad...we can't cook in college...

confession of emoboy...

Catching bugs...

People might think that i'm crazy when they saw me standing on the edge at the back of Block D just now...

I'm just trying to catch bugs...

Just now i was eating some snack while having a walk...

I saw a cute bumble bee...and a large carpenter bee...

but i manage to catch the cute one...

the big one fly too deep inside and i can't reach it!

haha!

i found out that catching bugs could make me happy too...LOL!

confession of emoboy...

Night Talk...

Juz had a night talk with a couple of friends...

although i'm juz listening without having any idea of who they talk about...

but i still enjoy it...

juz that i hope i could talk too...

but sometimes, juz like in the song,

有些故事 不必说给 每个人听...

confession of emoboy...

Glad!

I'm glad that I found a few that I could talk to...

And for some I was suprised coz I didn't expect that I would felt so comfortable to talk too...

But still, sometimes by talking does not solve my problem...

So I still have to solve it A.S.A.P...

confession of emoboy...

How's it going to be today....

Yesterday it was quite a nice one...

i wonder how is it going to be today...

i hope it's a nice one too...

confession of emoboy...

One of my fav pic of the trip...

Thx to Ah Shan..

she took this picture for us...

from our back...

it looks so emo...

seems like we are going to say goodbye to Fraser Hill...

but we didn't wanna to...

but then i notice...

6 Putos were there but we didn't took a picture of all of us together...

pic that i have :

-See Heng n me

-Jeff n me

-See Heng, Jeff n me (this pic)

-Mun Choong, See Heng n me

-and of course all of our solo pics...

Haiz...regret that i didn't play with my camera when we were all in our apartment...

but even if i want i can't...

coz it ran out of battery when we were there...

moreover, i'm tired too...

hope times will go back so i could take more pics...

confession of emoboy...

Definitely a nice trip...for me...

I'm not sure wat others thinkof the trip..

but for me it's a nice one...

of course the activities are more like a camp but i guess they have no choice n have to do it that way...

but what i enjoy the most is the time i spend with my friends...

sorry to say i kinda abandon er jie there...

but i hope u understand...haha

what to say...the weather!WOW!

and it's a nice place for a group of friends to hang out!

arrgghhh!

i hope time would stop there!

it would be great if we can steambot or BBQ!

however, i realize that the matter is not the place but with who u go...

for ppl like me, i kinda join a lot of ppl but in a trip i'm gonna stick with one group...

so its like i prefer to go with 1 group rather than with all of them so that i won't abandon anyone...

confession of emoboy...

Chocolate Fair!

I saw there's an event in my Facebook...

Yup! It's Chocolate Fair in Midvalley!

It reminds me of the time when i went there with the sisters!

we bought lots of them but the most important is that we try almost everything available!

It also reminds me of the time when I went to another fair with Jeff, See Heng and Chee Ching...

LOL!

We really ate everything available!LOL!

the most important is for FREE!haha!

Then I remember that's the first time I met Pinky!

So, am I going to have chance to have fun like this again in the future?

I hope so!^^

confession of emoboy...

Damn! I crap again...

Shit...I post something that I shouldn't again...

I know I felt like I did something wrong yesterday but I'm not sure...

because of that I got emo and start craping all those stuff again...

shit...

I guess I'm making stuff worse..

confession of emoboy...

Feel like saying sorry to everyone...

Sorry to all grapes for always saying bo jio...feels like pressuring u guys everytime oso have to jio me...

Sorry to the sisters for kinda abandoned u guys when i met new friends...

Sorry to 3 for a lot of stuff...always 'zat' u and i know i rejected u many time when u ask me to go out...especially during the countdown...i know u alittle bit beh song me at that time...

Sorry to 3388 for sometimes felt that u are a little bit mafan...n sometimes dun really agree the way u did ur stuff....

Sorry to 7777777777777 formaking u listen u the songs that i play....and i always repeat it...and sorry for making u guys listening to emo songs too...

Sorry to 5678 for always bullying u or 'zat' u...

Sorry to 777 coz u said i was kinda rude 2 u n ur friend at the beginning...although i really didn't did wat u said...

Sorry to 44 and 407 for not being there for ur graduation day...

Sorry to 8967 for not really giving u much help in a lot of work...

Sorry to 2709 for always wanna argue with u... always 'zat' u...

Sorry to 7 for rejected u many times when u jio me for outing and a lot of stuff...times juz not getting right when u jio me...

Sorry to 211 for everything...i think i did something that kinda hurt u today...and also making u uncomfortable...

Sorry to everyone coz i'm not really a good person....

confession of emoboy...

no doubt, another emo day i guess...

today's day is not very good since the beginning...

although i have to fake a smile during Susan's class...

suddenly felt that this sem Susan is kinda different...she's kinda more friendly...

Ok, i mean Prof Susan Lim...not Susan Ng, one of my sisters..

But my day haven't got any better until now...

i joke i laugh with my coursemates but it's just temparary...

things haven't got any better yet...

will it be better later tonight?

confession of emoboy...

Say sorry to my roommate...

I dun wanna emo in front of ppl ..

but i can't control myself..

i still listen to emo songs in my room...

hopefully it does not influence them..

confession of emoboy...

BFF?

Sometimes it's really hard for someone to find their BFF...

Even if u did, u might lost them for some reason...

It's even harder for a guy compared to a girl..

coz if 2 girls that are close together it's normal but if 2 guys that are closed together will be somehow labeled as gay!LOL!

I dun mind...but do my BFF mind?

that's the problem...

I got 1 in my 1st year but I lost it...for the reason above and of course other aspect...

I think I found one again...but it seems like i'm going to lose again...

but i'm not sure..hopefully everything will be ok...

confession of emoboy...

不知道为什么。。。

不知道为什么。。。

昨天唱K的时候，心里感觉酸酸的。。。

差一点就哭出来了。。。

可能是唱太多emo歌。。。

不只我一个，我的其中一位姐妹也在哭。。。

我不懂他为了什么在哭。。。

还好没有被其他人看见。。。

confession of emoboy...

can't sleep...

why i'm still awake?

2moro there's 9am lecture..and it's Susan's

but i'm still awake..

i guess i'm thinking too much...

and i dunno why i'm emo-ing again...

damn...plz help me...

i know i promise not to emo again..

and i said i won't post it here of fb..but...where else can i go...

i'm not someone can keep everything by myself..i tried but i failed..

confession of emoboy