I've got a confession...

Last night was a very long night..

can't sleep...

keep on thinking about it...

listen to a few songs...

keep on repeating those songs..

tears are falling continuously...

then i post a new post writing how i feel...

i don't really dare to tell that person...

what i can do is juz post it here..

anyway, thx to all puto that cares...

i knew i've been emo about this..

u guys wanna help me n i knew...

thx to jee yeng too...

but the thing is i'm not ready to tell yet..

it's something big...

more than u guys could imagine...

it's really a burden keeping it all by myself but that's the only thing i can do...

honestly, until now, only cindy kong knew it..

it took me a lot of courage to tell her even though i know that she can accept this easily...

but i'm sure one day i'm gonna explode it out and everyone's gonna know about that...

confession of emoboy...

something that i want you,you and you to know...

"...so sorry that i loved you, sorry that i needed you, sorry that i held you tight..."

"...i don't wanna fall to pieces, i just wanna sit and stare at you, i don't wanna talk about it, and i don't want a conversation, i just wanna cry in front of you, i don't wanna talk about it coz i'm in love with you..."

"... 等下一個天亮 去上次牽手賞花那裡散步好嗎, 有些積雪會自己融化, 你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂... "

"... 我想我不会爱你， 害怕失去， 所以逞强的，远远看着你 ..."

"...我想我不會愛你 只是也莠~~~"

confession of emoboy...

damn....i'm gonna explode...

sometimes ppl think i've changed...

but did u guys think about yourself before judging me?

i'm sick of that...

ppl keep on thinking i'm someone who forget about the old friends when i have new friends!

shit!

if i did it's not like what's gonna happened right now..

u guys are not even in my memory..

what i wanna say is that everyone i know have their place in my heart..

but i dun wanna explain much coz none of u gonna understand...

the pressure i face right now..

yesterday i chat with cindy kong

and juz now i chat with peisian

about another problem...

on the other hand she cheer me up

by talking bout snsd..

damn...if this continue,

i don't think i can concentrate on my studies...

anyway, for ppl who think i had change, think whatever u want!damn!

confession of emoboy...

easy to say, hard to do...

Sometimes ppl really piss me of...

out of nowhere suddenly pop up from the chat telling me..,"hey, i know u very busy,then no need chat la"

DAMN!!!

what have i done to u?

i know sometimes i didn't reply u guys it's because i'm away but my laptop is just like 7/11 24hours available!

shit..i'm not in the mood now...

sometimes i tell myself i will ignore what others think of me but it is easier to say than to be done...

Last night i was still figuring out my problem...

then had a chat with Cindy Kong..

we both face similar problems..

but i know she's stronger..

at least she took the 1st step...

but me, i have to think and consider before i take the 1st step...

sometimes it's kinda funny because me n Cindy have quite a number of similarities..

lol

our matric number...

mine is 080003 hers 090003 haha!

anyway, felt great chatting with her..

at least i can share it with someone rather than taking it all by myself...

confession of emoboy...

my past...

since the last one, i really haven't had any feelings with any girls...

although i could really have a potential relationship..

during that time, i was still hurt...

yesterday night, i visit her profile in fb...

i didn't know if i can take it or not..

it turns out that i was confused..

i didn't know what's that feeling really is...

but i quickly close the page...

i still remember during cc trip...the most suffering moment ...

i knew a lot of ppl notice that..

coz she's there..and he's there too...

apple n jacky was there to support me...

phoebe and kit yee too, we had dinner together at a same table and i can feel that they are trying to cheer me up...

really miss them now...

everytime when i went to pasar malam with cindy, jacky and apple, they are arguing whether to let me drink 'ai yu ping' or not...

when i think back, it's kinda funny...

they keep on telling me there's another girl that could potentially be my gf...

but i didn't really wanna think of it..

and i don't wanna start a relationship when i'm not sure about what i feel towards her...

until now, i really can't find the feeling yet..

a couple of days ago...

a guy from fb saying that i'm cute..

he's trying to flirt but i didn't resist...

i just let him flirt...

i told him the profile picture is not me...

he took a tour on my albums and he told me i still look cute..

then i notice that only guys think that i'm cute...specifically gays..=.=

oh no...

i don't wanna be one...if i did i'm dead...

coz i know i'm gonna lose a lot of friends...

but sher lynn's gonna be happy...

she told me once it would be great if i'm gay..

sometimes i wish i could be like heng mei mei coz he's cute!

lots of secret admirer..haha!

looks like this year i'm not going to get the cutest guy award again!

yup, i get 1st during my 1st year...

confession of emoboy...

give up again....

While I was preparing for my final exam, I started it out with some confidence because we have three weeks of study week!!!

I finished studying for the first round...

Then, I plan to to all the past year questions that I have..

Unfortunately, when I open up the questions that Di Wen and Jing Hsen sent to me, I stated to give up

yup...I found out that I don't quite understand what the notes said...Arghhh...

But luckily I survived seaweeds coz I kinda know how to answer the questions...at least I didn't left it blank...

Today, I started my day with playing games....

Yup, to train my skill in Pokemon...

Too bad my laptop can't play and even if I get to borrow a laptop, everyone else is playing another game...

Haha..I'm a noob in this kind of game anyway except the classic type of adventure game of Pokemon.

So when everyone is playing, I decided to do the past year questions of Wildlife....

Again, when I was looking at the question, I can't find the answer in the notes...T_T

I even search for the answer from the internet but I still can't get all of them...

So, I decided to give up again...

What I plan to do now is to read again all the notes rather than focus on the part of past year questions...

Haiz.. I hope the answer for the final exam questions can be found in the notes...T_T

Wish me luck....Hwaiting!!!

confession of emoboy...

Shocked....and worried...

Finally, I finished my algae pigment report...haiz...

but...when I start looking at seaweeds past years question and try to search for the answer in the notes, I gave up...arrghh...study already but it's like I haven't study...

So, I decided to take a nap..

And then went for supper with KNS, Xiuz, See Heng and Mei Mei ..

And the roti today does not taste well anyway..

After that, we chat..and suddenly Mei Mei say he's tired...but Xiuz and KNS keep on chatting...

He say wanna go back 1st then I suggested we go back together..

When I was paying money, he suddenly fainted...

Luckily Xiuz has experience in handling such condition...

I was so shocked...the 1st time I saw this...

He was partially unconscious...and does not remember everything that happened..

but at last things getting better..

Kinda worried now...hope he will get a good rest...

confession of emoboy...

I miss the day....

Finally, it has come to an end...

I miss the holiday..

Where everyone is 'duo luo'...

Especially when not much ppl is still in college...

Just a few grapes were here...

We went out for dinner, pasar malam, supper...

Especially the one when Puto Hong bring Puto Liang, Puto Chai and me out to picadilly...

Having western food!!!

And my Manhattan Seafood Chowder taste so good...LOL!

But I regret we didn't order the Tower...

Then we came back and watch Piranha together...eww...geli...

Then the next day we went out for breakfast....

+ Puto Onion...

Ordered Lo Mai Kai cost RM 3.60 each...LOL!!!

Then we went to Dataran Sastera to 'study'

Puto Hong addicted to games anyway...

Today we went for lunch at 'Qu Tai Pei'

We all ordered the same thing except Puto KNS...LOL

Unfortunately, it all ends today....

confession of emoboy...

2PM forever!^^

Today is a normal day for me...

but not a very good day..

Juz that at the end of the day I'm kinda moody...

But thx to Taec hyung a.k.a. Lincoln who chat with me...

Yeah, he's a great hyung anyway!

Sometimes I wish I really know him in person...

Of course include Khun hyung a.k.a. Allen...Haha!

Most of the time when I'm not happy they will be there at FB...LOL!

7/11 24hours available!Haha!

Juz wanna say that I'm thankful for knowing both of them!

Thx hyung!^^

2PM FOREVER!

confession of emoboy...

Love~

Love...

What do u guys think while looking at this word?

I still remember the 1st time...when I listen to Hebe's Love!

A lot of ppl think that the song is kinda like not really great (include Pei Sian & Sher Lynn).

But I think the lyric is so meaningful...

See Heng agree that this song is not bad!Haha!

Who else agree with both of us?

This song really kinda wake me up...

It says that why in this world everyone love other ppl but not themselves..

Then I was thinking maybe I should start loving myself rather than hurting myself by loving ppl that do not love me...Haha!

Today, I'm having dinner with King Fong and Jacky...

They are talking about their love story...Haha..

At least they had one...I don't have any...

I guess I have no luck with girls...LOL!

I was thinking if I'm gay, I should already be in a relationship now...Hahaha!Just kidding!

but it's true coz a few of them kinda flirting me...haha!

Again...gay or not...the important is Love...

The reason a guy wanna be with a girl or a girl wanna be with a guy is Love..

The same goes to gays and lesbians...

So why discriminate them?

since the reason is the same...

Anyway, lets just Love ourselves more!!!

confession of emoboy...

No comment...

Lately people keep questioning about my sexuality...

Ya..I know I look like one and there's a lot of gays in my facebook friend list...

Honestly, I don't mind people think that I am one...It just that I don't want everyone to ignore me thinking I am one of them...

Is that so important that sexuality is an important factor of choosing your friend?

I used to have a friend..that I considered as a close friend...

People keep on talking about us...what else?gay!this is what they say..

He told me he don't mind at first...but after some time he started to ignore me...

I didn't know what's wrong until he confess to me saying that he think that I am gay.

I was so disappointed and I tried to act like nothing had happened.

That's kinda like the hardest thing I have to face in my life..

Until now, whenever I think I become close to a friend I would try to step back coz I don't want things to happen again..

But does it works?

I don't think so...coz I'm suffering...even now...I didn't know what to do..

Arrggghh!!!

It's frustrating!

Come on...I hope I can read others mind so I know what they are thinking...

Do they freak out?Or they way I act makes them uncomfortable?

And yes, I do have a few gay friends that I know them in person...

Lately, one of them is in a relationship...Congrats!!^^

I'm happy for him because being a gay, it's hard to find a boyfriend coz you juz can't tell the world that you are gay...the same goes to lesbian...

Yes I like pink and so what?pink = gay?

That's what everyone's mindset..

That's not the problem...the problem is do I really need to be alone until the end?

In this rate, I'm not gonna be able to get a close friend...

I know a lot are still waiting for my answer but I will still remain silent...

Coz I really don't get it..izit so important to not having a gay as a friend if u are straight?

One more thing...I would really like to know who's the one asking Apple am I gay...LOL!

confession of emoboy...

I'm in love with "YOU"...

Ming Liang's laptop keep on playing this song...and I think I'm in love with it....

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
and I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
I'm in love with you.

It really tells how I feel anyway..especially the chorus...haha!

Actually, I did notice this song long ago...haha!

Anyway, when I was searching for this song in Youtube what I found are all covers...means that it was sang by other ppl and there's one which is quite good...enjoy!

confession of emoboy...

Something about me.....and DongHae hyung!

It has been a long time since I felt so close to DongHae hyung...XD

I was watching Mystery 6 a few days ago and it makes me miss DongHae hyung again!

And today when I was searching 소녀시대's Hoot wallpaper, I found an article...and it's about DongHae hyung!

And I found out that we do have a lot of similarities...

and I think those similarities are something that I can find in another person especially guys!haha!

Ok! for those who didn't really understand me, u guys will learn something about me here...

These are the similarities...:

• Donghae is afraid to be alone, when he eats, he needs someone to accompany him, or else he refuses to eat.
• He’s a crybaby, soft-hearted and thinks a lot. (it explains why I'm always emo...)
• He likes to ‘hang’ his chin on other people’s shoulder. (If someone don't mind me doing that^^)
• He is dislike any sweet food. (I don't really like foods that are too sweet..it explains why i prefer dark chocolate than the others)
• He likes the feeling of being protected, being cared for.
• Little 13 (Kyuhyun) said “I feel honoured to know Donghae Hyung, but when I’m with him, I feel like I’m more like the hyung.” (I guess this statement refering him as childish?

So, these are the few similarities...of course there is are differences too...the most obvious one would be...

Donghae dislikes pink a lot.. because opposite his bed is Sungmin’s wardrobe and it’s full of pinkish stuffs, clothes, dolls, pillow, bags and shoes are all pink.

Haha!!!

Reference:

Source; SJ-M’s Baidu吧, posted by 葬花人在街角

http://hanraena.wordpress.com/2010/04/10/dong-haes-fun-facts/

Yup...It has been a long time since I was updating myself in Twitter..I'd missed a lot of updates by DongHae hyung...

Sometimes I would think that it will be great if he is my hyung..of at least I know him in person..haha!we might get along coz both of us love to have fun actually...

Anyway, I don't wanna expect much on something coz whenever I wish for something so much I will not get it!Haha!...

So I guess today u guys learn a little bit of something about me...

confession of emoboy...

Another "Busy" Day...

Yup...another day had passed...

juz finish packing my stuff...2moro gonna move down

although only for 2 weeks but I've got lots of stuff here..LOL!(as usual)

As planned, today I went to Fahrenheit 88 with Phoebe Chong & Dozz...

Yup...We queued for UNIQLO...but what suprised me n Phoebe is that when we are deciding whether to queue or not (coz the Q is long...), Dozz juz push me into the queue!!!LOL!

Then he's officially on of us now!The Shopaholics!!!

However, UNIQLO is kinda disappointing...lot's of winter clothes...nothing special....but I've bought 2 tshirt..then we walk around Fahrenheit 88 and I was struggling while to decide whether to buy the sweater or not!at the end I didn't.

Then we went to Pavilion for a walk...Phoebe dragged us into Burberry and she discovered some nice bags!LOL!

Then here comes ZARA!!and it's heaven there!!!

Lots of nice coats!!!

Then we went to Forever 21 and found a pair of boots with only RM149 ++

Again, struggling coz I really want it but end up didn't buy!!!

The price is reasonable anyway...

Hope I can get one in the future...or a few days later!!!

Then I came back and fb-ed then start packing...

When I was packing, I realised that before this I would like to post something but I didn't....

Yup...It's about the PTUM dedication...

Amazingly, this year I've received lots of dedication..

1 from Jeff, 1 from Jacky, 1 from You Xin, 1 from Jeck Kee and 2 from See Heng!!!LOL!

Maybe for lots of ppl that doesn't mean anything for them, but for me it means alot...

In the sense that, ppl remember me?LOL!

but honestly, since I was in 1st year I'm the one who always dedicate stuff to others but I didn't received any...until this sem!LOL!

Really thankful that ppl remember me!^^

Oh yeah! The mooncake that See Heng dedicated to me is one of my favourite flavour!Green Tea!LOL!

Anyway, I hope after today I can Spend some of my time shopping and I would really like to have that boots!!!

And waiting for the grapes to come back for outing and yam cha!^^

confession of emoboy (+ shopaholic) ...

Alone....

Yup...after today, I'll be the only Puto left in KK4...

I know I should be doing my assignment and report right now but I feel like express my feelings right now...

right this moment, windy and kinda cold...LOL! I guess it's gonna rain later...

I'm used to the life where everynight go 'yam cha' with the Putos...

Tonight when there's no Putos left I'm thinking back of my life for this whole sem...

Haha! Thx to all the Putos for such a great time that we had...

We went for lim teh, outing, and gaming (although gaming is not really my thing!haha!)

I'd went for movie with some of the Putos a few time but I haven't went to karaoke with them..I hope we can do it soon!^^

Haha...still remember the 1st time went out for movie with Putos...me, Jeff, See Heng and Chee Ching...right after MKB..and that's the 1st time I met Pinky!

Anyway, today's her B'day! 생일 축하합니다!!!^^

There's once where I was planning to go MidValley alone and See Heng acc me!LOL!and we met Apple there...

Haha!Too many to be recalled back...

The time we ate grapes together..

The time we spent during PTB (although I'm not one of the AJK)...

And yeah..before I forget I wanna thx Mei Mei for the ride to SC Fac to take my exam slip...

What else I can say....

Hope that u guys faster come back...

confession of emoboy...