That's what i think sometimes...
but what will happen if i never met you?
it would be totally different...
maybe i would never been through those happy moment.
那个幸福的感觉。。。
the moment we shared... together....
something that i would never been through without you...

but right now, these happy moment come back and haunt me...
they became something that hurt my heart.....
felt like being stab by knives whenever these memories came through...

it is impossible for me to let go~
because i don't wanna forget those moments...
i really don't know what should i do...


confession of emoboy...

Tulan arghhh!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the 4th year and now I'm already NOT the official part of the CC board or a small AJK!
I'm just a member of CC or at least one of the parents~
Sometimes it's not that I don't wanna help but it's frustrating when it involves all those issues and dramas!!!!!!!!!!!

I can help~
help u guys shops for ingredients~
help u guys prepare~
help u guys move stuff

but I just don't wanna involve in the dramas~
Yet, if u guys need an ear I can lend it listen to those problems..

honestly, I'm already tired...
i don't even know what kind of tiredness I'm having right now.
Mentally? Physically?

right now, I just don't feel like doing anything anymore....

p/s : no offense, i volunteer to help but not to be seen as someone who's incharge of the whole things and need to call the particular person to comfirm some stuff~~~ I JUST DON'T WANNA BE THE CENTER PERSON!

and yet, the lunch that I ordered had not been ordered!


confession of emoboy...

Friend or Lover?

Yesterday I went to KFC for breakfast...
When we came back, Ah Sheng told me about his old story...
I was wondering, thinking...
Those situations seems to be so similar to mine..
and there's this issue just came up in my mind~~

Friends or lover?
This is the question usually people will assume that the answer would be lover.
but for me, these two are equally important.
maybe this is why I still don't have the urge to find a lover for myself.
what I'm excited about is to just enjoy my life with my friends!

I'm the kind of person who thinks friendship and relationship have not much differences..
that's why people think I'm weird!!!
but it's really hard..
I may not be able to let go even in the case of losing a friend unless that someone really did something really really bad....
and I might act like I just broke up or something...
so people would just misunderstood me~~

Can't do anything though~
I am Me!
and I won't change it!


confession of emoboy...

我还有其他朋友。。。

今天跟阿晟吃午餐的时候，阿晟告诉我Apple还有Kenny告诉他
我蛮可怜的。。。让我在车上想起了很多事情。。。
我才发觉到，原来我还有那么多关心我的朋友～～
让我想起了D211 Club 的时候。。。

其实我身边还有很多朋友。。。
我的室友，阿Beh，阿量。。。
一半的室友，阿庆，阿财，梓优
当然还有L.O.G. 4th的几位女生。。
为什么我还是会为了那一个人emo。。。

到了Times Square 之后，
跟俊源看了一部电影，还有聊了很多东西，
其实心情有好了一点。
可能是应为他给到的安全感，很有哥哥的感觉。。。
哈哈！！！
希望以后还能跟他一起出去～～

回到来的时候又差一点就emo了。。。
还好有Cocoro,
还有俊源sms我。。。
Emo， emo， 不要再来了～～ >.<

사랑해 친구야~~
감사합니다~~


confession of emoboy...

The Great Escape~~

I think today I manage to avoid myself to fall into a deep emo-ness!!!
OK! Everyday I'm emo-ing but not everytime with serious one...but I admit lately almost every day...or should I say night I'll just fall into the deepest emo-ness~~

It's so close today...really really close~~
I was tired...
went for a meeting with HEP which I kinda didn't regret...
Weird right? Haha~ Coz I know more gossips from that meeting~ XD

Then I started to upload pictures for our lab report and it took so long~
I managed to take a nap but it doesn't feel enough~

When I was about to start to emo, 5 angels pulled me back from falling into the hole~
I thought, "Great timing~~"
I tried not to think...just enjoy the moment~
I did!!

Then here goes the 2nd time~
When the source was near to me, I was lucky somehow it get further away from me~
relief~~
escape for the 2nd time~~

Went out for a drink and enjoy it~
Really had fun!
when we're back, a phrase struck into me and I started to think...
"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst"
This is what I used to face...
I couldn't take the risk~
I don't have the courage~~
A lot of people told me I might regret if I didn't but I can say that I didn't regret at all...
After all I guess it'll end up as bad as now if I did~
I really didn't wish to see it happen for the 2nd time...
neither to me nor my friends~~

confession of emoboy...

Alone...

刚刚写了一个post给此宗一位朋友～～
想起了一些伤心的事情。。。

我们全部都认识了超过一年了～～
L.O.G 4th 里面的都越来越少了。。。
好朋友都不再当我是好朋友，
有时候想起了，心很痛，都很想哭出来
但是又怕给人看见。。。

还有几个月，有可能我会离开这里。。。
有一part很舍不得，另一part又很想离开这个伤心的地方～

我很不想一个人～～
I don't wanna be alone...


confession of emoboy...

A message to the Star~

I guess lately u've been busy with PT so it's like none of us really contacted u coz u know, u gonna just blow up~ Haha~
But since it's over then I guess I should have started to talk about this~ NO OFFENSE!!!

It's good to see u walking happily just now and I get to know that you'll be going to have lunch with your family~
So~
Last night I heard that at first you gonna join us but for some reason u got emo...
Why?

That doesn't matter~~~
Just one reminder for you~
Actually it's a reminder u used to gave me when I was facing my 'problem'~
For your info, mine get worse~ which I think there's nothing can be done anymore~

So, u told me that u used to emo very seriously and at last all your friends were scared and away~
I'd learn from what u told me~
Nope, of course I still couldn't control myself for being emo-ing but i tried not to affect others...
I hope I did it right~

As for you, I hope you can cope with it~
You know that lately the number of our members has been decreasing...
I don't wish to see that again!
We recreate the group so that none of this will happen again but I just don't get it why~
So, you know what I mean...

U may notice why sometimes I ignore u...
Coz sometimes I just can't take it...
There's too much dramas around~
so I hope you can really work it out~~



confession of emoboy...

没用的我。。。

我觉得我自己很没用。。。
为什么别人做得到的事情我做不到。。。
为什么我那么容易放弃。。。
反而应该放弃的东西我都放不下。

刚刚总Murni回来～～
本来心情都很好。。。
但是突然间觉得自己很没用。。。一个没用的胖子!!!
减肥减不到～
练gym又没有效果。。。
看着其他人，一个一个成功了，觉得自己很失败!!!
我该怎样呢？？？



confession of emoboy...

Chances...

The above phrase~~
It's easy to say or to tell others.
BUT
When it came to ourselves, we just couldn't do it!
We don't have the COURAGE!!!

WHY?
because we are scared of losing it.
Although it's clear in front of us.
The thing is, only others could see it clearly but they can't interrupt.
What we see is something unclear, unsure...

Is that something that GOD created so that it like
"No Pain, No Gain"?

Whatever~~
I might had missed mine.
BUT
Friends around me!!!
Don't missed urs!
I don't wanna write those names here~
If u guys read this, just go grab ur chance~

confession of emoboy...

Confidence~~

Confidence is really a huge issue for me~
Still remember Cassey asked me if i'm interested in being a CC Head during my 1st year~
I was like, 'no i can't'
she told me i can but i'm lack of confidence~

but until now, i see myself as a person who don't have leadership ...
couldn't lead but can be led...

and when people telling me that i'm not that bad looking, i was like 'WHAT!!!'
I'm a damn ugly fat guy~~
how could people say i'm not that bad looking at all~~

and i'm so depress when i'm surrounded by great looking guys with great body or those who are thinner than i am...

sometimes i really don't know how i could gain my confidence....



confession of emoboy...

T_T

couldn't sleep~
i saw something that i shouldn't~
it makes me think a lot~
and make me lost~
lead me to a road i shouldn't take~
and i'd did something terrible~
something that i'll regret....


confession of emoboy...

Faking a smile...

I guess lately i was so tired (mentally) is because i was faking a smile all the time...
although ppl know that i'm emo-ing, i'll act like i'd recovered~

Maybe that's why sometimes i didn't even visit D006 even if i'm alone in room which i used to do~

so i felt sorry for my roommates sometimes if i really affect them with my emo-ness~~

sometimes i smile & laugh a lot but i'm not sure myself if it's genuine...
what's happiness?
i knew it about a year ago....
but now, i'm not really sure~

it doesn't mean that i'm not happy when having fun with the GRAPES but it's like lacking of something~~
once again, sorry for those who're affected by my emo-ness...
coz i can't control it....



confession of emoboy...

Happy but not....

Today I received 3 PTUM dedication~
From Chieh Fang @ Xiao Huay Woon @ my xiao shou~
From Hui Yan jie jie~
and from Star Jin Jin~

somehow feel happy receiving so many gifts~

i wonder if any of you would remember my post 1 year ago...
it's all about the dedication that i received through PTUM too...
somehow now it's totally different...

just like what happened when i decided to bring back any food when i went for outing~
today, i bring back currypuff~ i bought back 6 for my roommates and some of my friends...
however, the ME from one year ago, i may have bought back 7... i mean i will...
but now i just don't see the need of do so..
or should i say i don't even ‘qualification' to do so..

hmm... a lot might not know what i'm talking about in this post but i guess some might know~
and to my roommates who keep on asking me why am i emo-ing all these days,
this is the reason..it never changes the reason all the time...


confession of emoboy...

Shopaholic me~~

Yup...another piece of ZARA~
like it the moment i saw it~


then here we go~~TOPMAN~
just can't resist myself~~

Next would be People's~
Buy 2 Free 1~~

Totally forget about all the emoness~~
My roommate says next time he know what to do when I emo~

But still, it doesn't turn out well at the end of the day~
something just remind me of some sad stuff~
I wonder why can't I have a emo-free day~

confession of emoboy...

Day By Day~ Way To Go!

Again, starts my day with SNSD's Day By Day with an apple followed by Way To Go~
For some reason, both songs stimulate motivation to starts a great day~
but i wonder how long it will remain as a great day~

not sleepy in class~
but heard something quite emotional about my lecturer~
she loves telling us stories, about her experiences as a botanist..

but today, she told us that she have to go for check up~
she told us she's a bionic woman~
her heart beats with the help of a pacer or pacemaker~
and it's already been 13 years...everytime when the battery runs out, she need to go for operation to replaced it and the battery had been replaced once after 10 years~

she says she's ok now~hmm
a great woman, a great lecturer, a great mother and also a great grandmother~
that's what i can see through her~

anyway, after class and i came back took a nap~
still feeling tired i wonder why...
maybe i just wanna feel tired so that i can sleep and just get away from this complicated world...



confession of emoboy...

I missed gym again...

Damn~ already 2 days~
i planned to go yesterday but headache + raining~
today i missed again~
i should have went there~
i felt like it won't work by just using my stupid dumbbell~
of course it won't..just a dumbbell~
arghhh!!!


confession of emoboy...

Still tired...

I started my day today with SNSD's Day By Day while having an apple on the way to class~
Followed by SNSD's Way To Go~
Thought it would be a great day~

p/s the apple i had is not the apple of my eye, still waiting though~


Anyway, things seems like turning bad~
felt sleepy in class~ Totally monday blue mood~

then when i'm back, i had a headache~
i guess i'm still suffering for my mental tiredness~
while i was taking my nap, things just running all over my head~
i heard people screaming and all that, doesn't even feel like i'm sleeping~

p/s i wonder if there's really people screaming that time...


Just get better after another nap but just ruined my plan to go to gym~
hope for a better 2moro~
as always...



confession of emoboy...

Tired...

Lately, i slept a lot!
i even missed a date this morning~LOL...not really a date..
my friend ask me out for jogging actually but i can't wake up..
i slept the whole day or about 12 hours i guess~
i actually woke up around 12pm but i chose to continue to sleep...
the excuse that i gave myself is that i'm tired..

Yesterday i slept at 4am while the day before at 6am
Well, tired?
Erm ... not completely true...
Coz i'm not physically tired but i'm mentally tired..

after watching that movie yesterday night, i've been thinking a lot...
maybe i had learnt something, maybe not..
but things are easy to understand but when u wanna do it, it's hard..
maybe all that i have to do is to let fate comes into play...


confession of emoboy...

Letting go...

When u love someone,
but somehow he or she can't be with you,
you just wish that he or she could be your closest friend...


confession of emoboy...

11.11.11

11.11.11
another day which people consider to be special~
but it's just another ordinary day...which i hope it's not~

i always wish to have a great day in every special day such as this but it seems like i expect to much and it turns out disappointing...
so i think i shouldn't have high expectation...

but still as always, i still have hope..
so what am i going to do on this special day?
i hope it will turn out great~~


confession of emoboy...

Always the unwanted...

This is how i feel sometimes...
Or should i say all the time?

No one to blame~
It's gonna be me if there's someone going to be blamed~
Coz that's me....how i am...

Lady Gaga said we were born this way...(not a big fan though)

Sometimes i'm frustrated...
maybe before i get close to someone, i have to make sure he/she would know the real me...

i mean, yup~ i might look like one...
and i don't mind people thought i am one...
still it depends on u guys to judge am i one of them..
no point for me to argue coz sometimes if i say no u guys still think i am...
coz i was born to look like one...


confession of emoboy...

Getting better...for now...

Today's getting a little bit better....
Try not to think about it...
Still for me to let it go completely is going to be a tough job...

What makes things better today?
went for a movie which is damn funny...XD

and finally, I bought myself a cup!
No stock of the one with all 9 of them so I picked the one with YoonA~

Then I notice they sell VITA 500!!
And I finally bought one ..of course YoonA's version~~
LET'S MAKE VITAMIN C~~
XD
I wonder if it's possible for me to collect all 9 of them~~
or someone who are generous enough to buy for me~XD


confession of emoboy...

It's always for the same reason...

For God sake I always emo for the same reason!
Why would people say that I'm emo for something else~
I guess the factor would have known it for him/herself...
No comment~

Just don't understand why people say that I'm emo for stuff like Sher dump me or something..
We didn't even start yet...
Whatever, I'm damn fucking emo+mad right now not because of what people misunderstood
but for what I found out couple of hours ago...



confession of emoboy...

你在煩惱什麼???

maybe you don't understand....
don't know what i want....


confession of emoboy...

A trip that I miss so much....

It's too short~~
Those happy moment~
I wonder why happy moment pass by so fast~~

Pangkor~
I went there quite a number of times but everytime with different feel~

Went with Sher, Seph, Ah Se and Shiah~~
we had fun! cycling around then stay there for free~ Haha~~

Then CC Trip~~
Not having a very good time there though...
Something happened but I still remember those who were there for me~ Phoebe, Kit Yee...of course D211 members...

Then fieldtrip~ yup~ spent most of the time working~
we thought we discovered new species though~Haha~

Then recently~~
I would never forget~
Pangkor trip with the Grapes~~
But the time is too short~~
We want more~
We <3 Pangkor!
We <3 Grapes!


confession of emoboy...

I can't...

Sometimes I wish I can...
People keep on asking me not to emo...
But do they actually understand how hard it is?
I mean not to emo...

Maybe it's because I'm already used to it...

There was once I thought I would stop emo from that moment..
but I didn't know things would have turn out to be that bad...

I'd tried...
tried not to emo...
at least not in front of everyone...
I prefer to emo alone somehow so that it will not affect anyone else.


But it's not easy...
I still wish things would gone back to when it was good...
Yes...somehow somewhere inside me, there's still hope...


confession of emoboy...

I'm a cry baby...

OK...I admit it I did it again yesterday night...
Thinking back now, feel so stupid...
for what?
people just don't give a damn~
just forget about the past~
get a new life!
....
Can I?

I said I wanted too~
but just couldn't do it...
when will this stops?
haiz....


confession of emoboy...

yeah i'm stupid...

you just don't get it right...
ok i admit dat i'm still can't let it go...of all that happened b4..
we were too close...i mean so close..the 1st time i have such a close friend
but that's it~ it ended

why? coz i look gay?
whatever...i'm tired of writing it all down
it's not that i care ppl thought i am
i don't even mind...i joke myself sometimes
but the problem is those around me mind..

but tell u what, i'm not gonna change how i am or what i am!
just keep on saying what u guys like~
to the worst i just don't get any friend that's it!
since we were all alone from the beginning

so i'm not changing myself to get what i want at this point
this is not me~
if i did change to get what i want,
it gonna happen all over again~

daamn!


confession of emoboy...