Worried but somehow....

It's been a few weeks where I was trap in the world of emo AGAIN!!!

Right now, I somehow confuse that am I still emo-ing or not...but one thing I'm sure is that I'm worried...

Yup...it involves the past memory of mine...

As ppl around me keep on suspecting me as gay...

Honestly, I don't mind how ppl see me.

What I mind is that ppl gonna ignore me.

It's something really hard when someone is ignoring you when u really need that person so much..

What I mean need here is not the need to be loved

but it's the need to be acc-ed.

I'm a person who would stick to someone when I felt close to them..

Sometimes it really freaks ppl out and they would end up ignoring me...

It's true...I'd been through it during my 1st year..

Right now, that's what I'm worried about....

I don't really know if anyone notice that I was so close to See Heng and Jeff lately..

Yup, it happens that during the period before raya break and during raya break I was so used to it where See Heng and me would chat with me through msn...

(and not to forget Lincoln that I refer as TaecYeon hyung that would chat with me through FB everynight!Haha!)

When I was used to it, I would felt uncomfortable when it stops...

Still I'm worried that I would have freaks him out..

Honestly, I don't wanna been through all this "losing a friend" thingy once more since it happened in my 1st year...

but I juz didn't know how would I explain or talk to him about this...

and yes...I'm not good in talking....especially face to face

Sometimes I would think of leaving him alone so that not to freaks him out but still I ended up sending SMS asking if he wanna go for tea or not...

This issue has been bothering me for a few weeks and that's the reason I emo-ed for so long..

Of course thx to those who care bout me asking me not to emo....You Xin, Jin Jin, WenLi, Ming Liang...etc...

However, I found my way to reduce the emo virus in me...

And I starts asking Jeff out for anything...lunch, dinner, breakfast, outing..

Yeah, I felt awkward at 1st...

It's all due to his relationship with Jeck Kee (sorry to mention it but I really wanna make it clear)

I'd heard the problem from Jeck Kee but not from Jeff...

I'm not sure what's he's thinking coz he didn't really approach me and talk about that...

and as the outsider i guess i can't comment much but juz listen...

I still hope he would have told me the problems that happened between them coz I don't wanna judge anything just based on one side's story...

After went out with him a few times, everything's back to normal..and I hope he's comfortable with the situation now...

The main purpose I wrote this post is to let them read on how I felt..I don't wanna make it worst but I guess there's the risk of everything's screwed up...but if I didn't do so, I'm gonna regret when things are too late to be corrected...And I would like Jeff and See Heng to know that they really are some of the great friends that I ever had...and I really don't wanna lose this friendships...

confession of emoboy...

Holiday starts!!!!

Finish my presentation on the behaviour of sheeps today!!!!Yay!!!!

and our Mafia King gave a really funny presentation!haha!It makes our Candle Princess Phoebe laugh unstopable!

I was laughing too....but i think the funny thing is the way Phoebe laughs instead!!!hahahaha!

Then we went to pasar malam together + Sher Lynn!

I've bought myself a beach shorts and a pair of crocs for my Tioman trip with the sisters...

I can't wait for the trip!!! >.<

confession of emoboy...

Feeling better today! ^^

Yesterday is emoday but today is not really a bad day...

skipped one class coz can't wake up...

probably because I can't sleep the night before...

went to lunch with coursemates : Mafia King, Candle Princess Phoebe and Thunder Ting

Thunder Ting bring along her pets!hahaha!everyone is looking at it!

Then went for Dr Mark's class..

Acc my 'daughter' for lunch while waiting for 'sui zai bao' who end up having lunch with his coursemate...

Then went for an early dinner with Sher Lynn and went for pottery class...

Did my group assignment which is a candle holder.

Then help in PTB's 'banting' and went for CC meeting...

Then wait for 'sui zai bao' for late dinner but he's playing DOTA!!!!!

Haha!At least it's not a bad day!^^

And now I'm listening to Honey (소원) by 소녀시대 !!!^^

confession of emoboy

Holiday = Emoday

It's public holiday and i actually don't like wasting it

but i end up wasting it...

i spend most of the time walking around UM alone while listening to Hebe's 寂寞寂寞就好..

as usual emo-ing + thinking

and it reminds me of stuff that happened during the previous sessions...

then this questions came to my mind...

Is that really hard for me to have a really really close friend?

Why still i can't find one?

and i came up with my own conclusion....

maybe it's because i was hurt before..

right now, if i get really close to someone, automatically i'll pull myself back from being too close with that person...

I didn't know how to overcome this problems right now..

it's like i'll hurt someone when i was trying to protect myself..

I think i did it a few times to a few people out there...

I would like to say sorry to them..

and i'm getting close with 'Shui Zai Bao' recently...

i hope things wont go complicated like before...

anyway, Happy Independence Day...

people wish me that and I was thinking they should had wish me Happy Emoday instead...

confession of emoboy...

Confused...

It's been a long time since I write something here..

Yup...

I'm actually avoiding this page...I'm worried that I might get emo again listening to the song I embedded...

I've been thinking a lot since then...

I was confused of what I want, what I need and even who am I...

I've notice that sometimes I'm hiding my feelings when ppl are around me...

So, what u guys see during my 2nd might not be true...even I can't tell which part is...

I guess most of u would have know the reason why I'm so unhappy..

Yup..1 of the reason is my 21st B'day present..

If u guys remember what happened back then, that's the worst B'day present I've ever received...

Everyone says 21st B'day is kinda important...but it's the worst for me...

It was Saturday and most of the sisters are not around...

Only Sher Lynn's there and also other 'dao dengs'..haha!

Thx for being around back then coz it was a great support...

My 22nd B'day is just around the corner...

And SNSD's Tiffany's too...

Yup..be have the same B'day!

and this year is her 21st...Hope she'll have a great one...not like mine...

At the same time I hope I get what I wish this year...

Anyway, I can't wait to go back to UM...juz because I wanna go out and grab my SNSD photobook!^^

But I'll miss Lee Joon hyung coz I can't watch Star Golden Bell Challenge anymore...T_T

confession of emoboy...

Some memories need to be deleted...

I've talk to Cindy...

Cried like hell..

Felt better for this moment..

and I don't know when I'm gonna emo again...

Thx to Cindy anyway...

She told me he will look after me from above...

Part of me are glad but part of me are not, asking why it should be from above but not right here...

but what's happened already happened..

next is to depends on me on the action that I need to take...

I've decided to delete a few pictures from my facebook anyway...

coz some memories need to be erased...

I wish that it never even happened...

confession of emoboy...

My another confession...

Yesterday I had another weird dream again...

And Super Junior are there...

I felt close to them yet far away...

I'm kinda confused about how I feel...

I guess it's because of my 明星梦..LOL!

Sometimes I really hope my life is like theirs...

At least they are good to each others..

I know a lot of people gonna think I'm an idiot thinking like that

Coz u guys have no idea how I feel now..

Whenever I saw Donghae hyung post something on Twitter I'm gonna think it'll be great if I'm there..

I felt that we share a lot of similarities but definitely not the look...

he's far away more good looking than I am

Just now I was watching a video that You Xin post in facebook...

It reminds me of my 1st year

but it's not gonna happen to me anymore

then I notice that throughout my 2nd year I'm actually faking a smile whenever I'm around with other people..

Why?Because I put too much hope that he's gonna be my best friend ever during 1st year...

Yes, we are close for the 1st semester of 1st year...

but I wonder if anyone notice that my attitude towards him changed during the 2nd semester...

As I know, Afiq noticed that and Wei Ming notice that I'm more happy during the 1st semester.

That's right...something did happened at the end of the 1st semester...it disturb me so much ...

It takes me so hard to overcome it until I did at the end of 2nd semester..

Back then, I thought everything gonna change back to normal but I was wrong...

another issue happened again...

I was hurt once more...I know it's not his fault this time but I just can't take it anymore..

Due to this, I'm now having this barrier whenever I meet new people

Coz I don't wanna get hurt again...

I don't dare to get to close with someone yet I wish I have someone that I can trust...

It's so complicated that I'm sometimes confused of what I want!!!

That why I'd mentioned in my previous post saying that it will be great if I could be friend with Lee Joon hyung or DongHae hyung...

but I know it's not gonna happen

I wish there's someone that I can show him my true self...

I wonder am I going to feel better if my elder brother is still here..

Although I haven't met him before but I kinda missed him after the dream that I had couple of days ago...

사랑하, 형...

I miss u...

confession of emoboy...