Some memories need to be deleted...

I've talk to Cindy...

Cried like hell..

Felt better for this moment..

and I don't know when I'm gonna emo again...

Thx to Cindy anyway...

She told me he will look after me from above...

Part of me are glad but part of me are not, asking why it should be from above but not right here...

but what's happened already happened..

next is to depends on me on the action that I need to take...

I've decided to delete a few pictures from my facebook anyway...

coz some memories need to be erased...

I wish that it never even happened...

confession of emoboy...

My another confession...

Yesterday I had another weird dream again...

And Super Junior are there...

I felt close to them yet far away...

I'm kinda confused about how I feel...

I guess it's because of my 明星梦..LOL!

Sometimes I really hope my life is like theirs...

At least they are good to each others..

I know a lot of people gonna think I'm an idiot thinking like that

Coz u guys have no idea how I feel now..

Whenever I saw Donghae hyung post something on Twitter I'm gonna think it'll be great if I'm there..

I felt that we share a lot of similarities but definitely not the look...

he's far away more good looking than I am

Just now I was watching a video that You Xin post in facebook...

It reminds me of my 1st year

but it's not gonna happen to me anymore

then I notice that throughout my 2nd year I'm actually faking a smile whenever I'm around with other people..

Why?Because I put too much hope that he's gonna be my best friend ever during 1st year...

Yes, we are close for the 1st semester of 1st year...

but I wonder if anyone notice that my attitude towards him changed during the 2nd semester...

As I know, Afiq noticed that and Wei Ming notice that I'm more happy during the 1st semester.

That's right...something did happened at the end of the 1st semester...it disturb me so much ...

It takes me so hard to overcome it until I did at the end of 2nd semester..

Back then, I thought everything gonna change back to normal but I was wrong...

another issue happened again...

I was hurt once more...I know it's not his fault this time but I just can't take it anymore..

Due to this, I'm now having this barrier whenever I meet new people

Coz I don't wanna get hurt again...

I don't dare to get to close with someone yet I wish I have someone that I can trust...

It's so complicated that I'm sometimes confused of what I want!!!

That why I'd mentioned in my previous post saying that it will be great if I could be friend with Lee Joon hyung or DongHae hyung...

but I know it's not gonna happen

I wish there's someone that I can show him my true self...

I wonder am I going to feel better if my elder brother is still here..

Although I haven't met him before but I kinda missed him after the dream that I had couple of days ago...

사랑하, 형...

I miss u...

confession of emoboy...

별별별(☆★☆) ...Star Star Star...

I would like to dedicate this song to him...

who I believe he's now one of the stars up there...

별별별(☆★☆)

(hana dul set tto hana dul set michigetda byeoldeura)

amuri chyeodabwado niga boijil anha oh baby du nune gadeuk goin nunmul ttaemune da neo ttaemune
beonjyeojin geulja wiro bichin uneun nae eolgul oh baby tto ulji mallago nal dajimhaebwado tto ureo

na eotteokhae (molla eotteokhae eotteokhae) na ireoke (molla michige ireoke)
da neo ttaeme (jeongmal neo ttaeme) na amugeotdo hal su eobtjanha nan neol

*byeolbyeolbyeol byeolmankeum saranghae watdeongeoya neoreul chaja jeo meolliseo neon Shining star
byeolbyeolbyeol byeolmareul da haebwado pyohyeoni andwae jeongmal neomuna dapdaphae ije nan eotteoke haeya hana

hana dul seeo bwado kkeuchi boijil anha oh baby gaseume gadeuk damgin chueok ttaemune tto ni saenggage
mot dahan yaegil kkeonae honjatmalppun irado oh baby neol dollyeodallago nal bonaedallago ni gyeote

kkok butakhae (jebal ireoke butakhae) kkok haneure (naui gidoreul haneure)
nal wirohae (nareul wirohae) jundaneun neon eodie inni jebal

byeolbyeolbyeol byeoldeura malhaebwa kkeutnangeoni geureongeoni daedaphaebwa utjiman malgo
byeolbyeolbyeol byeoldeura butakhae dan hanbeonmanirado nal nae sarang ni gyeote naragal su itge haejwo

Star Star Star
Uh~Baby Star Star Star Ahh~

nan neol byeolbyeolbyeol byeolmankeum saranghae watdeongeoya neoreul chaja jeo meolliseo neon Shining star
byeolbyeolbyeol byeolmareul da haebwado pyohyeoni andwae jeongmal neomuna dapdaphae ije nan eotteoke haeya hana

(하나 둘 셋 또 하나 둘 셋 미치겠다 별들아)

아무리 쳐다봐도 니가 보이질 않아 oh baby 두 눈에 가득 고인 눈물 때문에 다 너 때문에
번져진 글자 위로 비친 우는 내 얼굴 oh baby 또 울지 말라고 날 다짐해봐도 또 울어

나 어떡해 (몰라 어떡해 어떡해) 나 이렇게 (몰라 미치게 이렇게)
다 너 땜에 (정말 너 땜에) 나 아무것도 할 수 없잖아 난 널

*별별별 별만큼 사랑해 왔던거야 너를 찾아 저 멀리서 넌 Shining star
별별별 별말을 다 해봐도 표현이 안돼 정말 너무나 답답해 이제 난 어떻게 해야 하나

하나 둘 세어 봐도 끝이 보이질 않아 oh baby 가슴에 가득 담긴 추억 때문에 또 니 생각에
못 다한 얘길 꺼내 혼잣말뿐 이라도 oh baby 널 돌려달라고 날 보내달라고 니 곁에

꼭 부탁해 (제발 이렇게 부탁해) 꼭 하늘에 (나의 기도를 하늘에)
날 위로해 (나를 위로해) 준다는 넌 어디에 있니 제발

별별별 별들아 말해봐 끝난거니 그런거니 대답해봐 웃지만 말고
별별별 별들아 부탁해 단 한번만이라도 날 내 사랑 니 곁에 날아갈 수 있게 해줘

Star Star Star
Uh~Baby Star Star Star Ahh~

난 널 별별별 별만큼 사랑해 왔던거야 너를 찾아 저 멀리서 넌 Shining star
별별별 별말을 다 해봐도 표현이 안돼 정말 너무나 답답해 이제 난 어떻게 해야 하나

this is what the song means...

(One two three
Again, one two three
Stars…I’m going crazy)

No matter how hard I look I can’t see you
Oh baby
Because of the tears welled up in my eyes
All because of you
My reflection in the tear-stained words I write
Oh baby
And though I swore I wouldn’t cry, I cry again

What do I do?
(I don’t know what do I do, what do I do?)
Why am I like this?
(I don’t know I’m going crazy like this)
All because of you
(Really because of you)
I can’t do a single thing
I

Star, star, star love you as much as the stars
Were you ever here?
I search for you afar,
You are a shining star
What, what, whatever words I tell myself,
I can’t express it, I’m really
So frustrated
So what am I supposed to do now?

Now matter how long I count I don’t see the end
Oh baby
Because of the memories filled in my heart
and because of thoughts of you.
Even if it is useless to think and I only tell myself
Oh baby
I’ll ask for you to come back to me, to my side

I ask earnestly
(Please I’m begging like this)
To the sky
(I send my prayers to the sky)
The one who cares
(cares for me)
Where is he?
Please

Stars, stars, stars, tell me please
Is it over?
Is that how it is?
Please talk to me, don’t just smile
Star, star, star, I’m begging to the stars,
Even if it is only once
Let me fly
to be with my love

Star, star, star
Star, star, star

I star, star, star I love you as much as the stars
Were you ever here?
I search for you afar,
You are a shining star
What, what, whatever words I tell myself,
I can’t express it, I’m really
So frustrated
So what am I supposed to do now?

confession of emoboy...

My confession....

A few days ago, one of my friend told me that she's now in a relationship!

WOW! Haha! I knew she's been waiting for this moment for sooo long!

So, Congrats!!

And today I went out with a few friends and we have a nice chat!

I miss the moment when we were in form 6!>.<

Lots of fun during that time...

I feel that it was fun when a group of single friends went out and have fun together!

Suddenly one of them was asking the other,"should I tell him?"

LOL! So I guess that my friend is in a relationship now!

and yes it's true!!!LOL!!

So many good news that I heard from people around me!

Of course I'm happy for them...

but when will it be my time?

I didn't ask for any relationship but something else...

coz I always fail in that....

so I better concentrate on other stuff that is important to me...

confession of emoboy...

Still emotionally unstable....

Today I was listening to SNSD's 별별별(☆★☆)-Acoustic RnB Version in the car when I was on my way to my aunty's house...

Suddenly something just struck in my mind...

Yup, it's the dream that I mention in my previous post...

I was thinking how would I be right now if things are different...

Am I going to be more happy?

And I almost cry thinking of that...

Being emotional is the other side of me that I seldom show to everyone...

This few post recently might review it to those who haven't seen this side of me before...

I might look like I can take anything and being strong but the truth is I just hide everything and keep it to myself..

I wonder when will this thing end...

confession of emoboy...

Who's that?...

Last night I was dreaming of someone....

someone who's familiar yet I can't remember his face...

but the feeling is still fresh in my mind..

he was comforting me while I was crying..

and the reason I cry?...I can't really remember...

What I can remember is that I was a small kid at that time...

and my cousin appeared in that dream too...

she was still in her early 20's I guess...

but what I'm curious the most is who's that guy..

I felt comfortable around him..

Is he my elder brother who does not even have his chance to see this world?

I knew I had one but I haven't met him before...

Sorry for being so emotional...

confession of emoboy...

Hwaiting!!!

I know I shouldn't be sitting in front of my laptop for this holiday!

So what I'm going to do is to train!Hehe!

What I have in my house is a pair of dumbbell and I'll make use of it...

But with just that I can only train my arms...T_T

The chest is the problem...It's quite hard to train

the same goes to the abs T_T

I've tried my best not to eat too much...

I'm now only taking breakfast and dinner!

I hope I can really get my chest shaped coz I don't want Kit Yee and the others call me Victoria Secret again...T_T

Hwaiting!I can do it!

I wonder if I can find any gym buddy so that we can go to gym together next session!Hehe!

confession of emoboy...